1
00:00:03,202 --> 00:00:07,138
[♪]

2
00:01:14,606 --> 00:01:17,342
We won!
We won!
We won!

3
00:01:17,343 --> 00:01:20,045
Oh, al, listen
to my heartbeat. Oh.

4
00:01:24,383 --> 00:01:25,750
It's incredible, peg.

5
00:01:25,751 --> 00:01:27,986
I can hear it
from here.

6
00:01:27,987 --> 00:01:30,755
Sir, your ear hair
is sticking me.

7
00:01:32,391 --> 00:01:34,726
Get over here and celebrate
with your family.

8
00:01:36,496 --> 00:01:38,329
That man cut in front of me.

9
00:01:38,330 --> 00:01:41,233
I should have been
the millionth customer.

10
00:01:41,234 --> 00:01:44,503
Bundy. Cut in front
of this woman?

11
00:01:44,504 --> 00:01:46,070
What woman?

12
00:01:46,071 --> 00:01:47,506
[bundys muttering]

13
00:01:47,507 --> 00:01:51,175
Oh, you know it was me,
you gaggle of pirates.

14
00:01:51,176 --> 00:01:53,744
Now, I have stood
mutely by for five years

15
00:01:53,745 --> 00:01:55,813
And watched you
steal my paper,

16
00:01:55,814 --> 00:01:57,248
Siphon my gas,

17
00:01:57,249 --> 00:02:00,718
Loiter in my bushes
doing god knows what.

18
00:02:00,719 --> 00:02:02,486
But I will not permit this.

19
00:02:02,487 --> 00:02:04,455
This is
my $1000 shopping spree

20
00:02:04,456 --> 00:02:06,357
And I will have
my shopping spree,

21
00:02:06,358 --> 00:02:08,626
If I have to carry my groceries
home in your skulls.

22
00:02:10,996 --> 00:02:13,231
You want me
to clock her one, daddy?

23
00:02:13,232 --> 00:02:14,532
Let me handle this.

24
00:02:14,533 --> 00:02:15,533
[clears throat]

25
00:02:16,902 --> 00:02:19,537
[sighs]

26
00:02:19,538 --> 00:02:22,974
You know what you need to take
your mind off this, babe?

27
00:02:25,110 --> 00:02:27,212
A nice, cool bud.

28
00:02:33,486 --> 00:02:36,755
And, uh, keep the biting
to a minimum.

29
00:02:37,657 --> 00:02:39,123
It's a school night.

30
00:02:41,860 --> 00:02:42,961
[crash]

31
00:02:42,962 --> 00:02:44,395
[bud screams]

32
00:02:46,732 --> 00:02:48,733
Excuse me. Coming through,
coming through.

33
00:02:48,734 --> 00:02:50,468
Hi, there.
I'm mr. Foodie.

34
00:02:50,469 --> 00:02:52,437
I'm here to congratulate
the lucky winner.

35
00:02:52,438 --> 00:02:53,905
By the way, who is it?

36
00:02:53,906 --> 00:02:55,273
Me!   Me!

37
00:02:55,274 --> 00:02:57,542
What a lovely couple.

38
00:02:57,543 --> 00:02:59,744
Uh, I'm not married
to this thing,

39
00:02:59,745 --> 00:03:01,146
I'm married
to that thing.

40
00:03:03,349 --> 00:03:07,185
Wait a second.
Aren't you al bundy?

41
00:03:07,186 --> 00:03:09,220
Did you let this man pay
with a check?

42
00:03:09,221 --> 00:03:10,255
Hey.

43
00:03:10,256 --> 00:03:12,056
The only thing wrong
with my checks

44
00:03:12,057 --> 00:03:15,694
Is they're postdated,
like your milk.

45
00:03:15,695 --> 00:03:18,629
This man cut in front
of me and bought gum.

46
00:03:18,630 --> 00:03:21,665
Now, I have been a faithful
customer of this store

47
00:03:21,666 --> 00:03:22,900
For many years.

48
00:03:22,901 --> 00:03:24,902
My checks are always good.

49
00:03:24,903 --> 00:03:26,604
I have a preferred
customer card.

50
00:03:26,605 --> 00:03:29,707
And I know the foodies jingle
by heart:

51
00:03:29,708 --> 00:03:30,708
♪ foodies ♪

52
00:03:30,709 --> 00:03:32,643
♪ we're a store with food ♪

53
00:03:32,644 --> 00:03:35,146
Both:
♪ and heart ♪

54
00:03:35,147 --> 00:03:36,914
[both giggle]

55
00:03:36,915 --> 00:03:38,916
Well, you know,
that only proves

56
00:03:38,917 --> 00:03:41,986
That you two have
little rhythm and no lives.

57
00:03:41,987 --> 00:03:45,156
We, on the other hand,
have a receipt...

58
00:03:45,157 --> 00:03:47,325
And no lives.

59
00:03:47,326 --> 00:03:50,228
And besides,
we live here.

60
00:03:50,229 --> 00:03:51,462
Hush, pumpkin.

61
00:03:51,463 --> 00:03:54,465
Now, now, go wheel
your brother to the car.

62
00:03:54,466 --> 00:03:57,468
All right, foodie, now,
what are you gonna do here?

63
00:03:57,469 --> 00:03:59,404
Well, there's only
one fair way.

64
00:03:59,405 --> 00:04:01,039
Give us
both prizes?

65
00:04:01,040 --> 00:04:03,774
[laughing]
no, I meant fair
for foodies.

66
00:04:03,775 --> 00:04:07,045
No, we'll let you compete for
the millionth-customer prize.

67
00:04:07,046 --> 00:04:09,114
Yes, you'll both be
in the shopping spree,

68
00:04:09,115 --> 00:04:10,115
And whoever comes up

69
00:04:10,116 --> 00:04:12,384
With $1000 worth
of groceries first

70
00:04:12,385 --> 00:04:13,918
Gets to keep 'em.

71
00:04:13,919 --> 00:04:15,453
Well, what does
the loser get?

72
00:04:15,454 --> 00:04:18,189
Gets to congratulate
the winner.

73
00:04:21,226 --> 00:04:24,095
You know, al,
I've been thinking.

74
00:04:24,096 --> 00:04:27,865
What if we really do win
that $1000 worth of groceries?

75
00:04:27,866 --> 00:04:29,733
Then what do we do?

76
00:04:29,734 --> 00:04:31,502
Well, peg, I saw on
<i>60 minutes</i> last week,

77
00:04:31,503 --> 00:04:32,970
Where some people found
with food

78
00:04:32,971 --> 00:04:34,539
Actually cook it up
and eat it.

79
00:04:36,141 --> 00:04:39,077
I've never seen morley
so shaken.

80
00:04:39,078 --> 00:04:40,511
So I was right.

81
00:04:40,512 --> 00:04:42,513
I'm not the winner
in this at all.

82
00:04:42,514 --> 00:04:45,083
You get all the food
and the glory,

83
00:04:45,084 --> 00:04:46,885
And I just get
endless hours

84
00:04:46,886 --> 00:04:49,253
Standing in front
of the big hot thing.

85
00:04:50,522 --> 00:04:52,023
No, peg,
that's the stove.

86
00:04:52,024 --> 00:04:54,191
You're
the big hot thing.

87
00:04:57,930 --> 00:05:00,531
Peg, peg,
I'll tell you what.

88
00:05:00,532 --> 00:05:03,935
If we win this contest...
I get six hot meals.

89
00:05:03,936 --> 00:05:05,569
Then we sell
the rest of the food,

90
00:05:05,570 --> 00:05:06,938
We get
an air conditioner.

91
00:05:06,939 --> 00:05:08,840
Really, al? You mean it?

92
00:05:08,841 --> 00:05:10,441
We get an air conditioner?

93
00:05:10,442 --> 00:05:11,843
Six meals, peg.

94
00:05:12,410 --> 00:05:13,410
One.
Four.

95
00:05:13,411 --> 00:05:14,512
One.
Three.

96
00:05:14,513 --> 00:05:15,513
One.
Two.

97
00:05:15,514 --> 00:05:16,514
One.
Done!

98
00:05:16,515 --> 00:05:18,516
[laughing]

99
00:05:21,687 --> 00:05:25,056
Mom, dad, I think
we're in for some trouble.

100
00:05:25,057 --> 00:05:27,258
Mr. And mrs. D'arcy are
out there doing wind sprints

101
00:05:27,259 --> 00:05:28,559
Around the neighborhood.

102
00:05:28,560 --> 00:05:30,662
Then they come to stop signs
and drop for pushups.

103
00:05:30,663 --> 00:05:33,430
Yeah, jefferson does 25
with marcie on his back,

104
00:05:33,431 --> 00:05:36,034
And then marcie does 50
with jefferson on her back.

105
00:05:37,736 --> 00:05:40,004
I'm not worried.
I'm a finely honed athlete.

106
00:05:40,005 --> 00:05:41,372
And as for your mother,

107
00:05:41,373 --> 00:05:43,374
Peg, show them what
a real pushup looks like.

108
00:05:50,382 --> 00:05:53,350
All right, kids, I admit it.
I did not marry well.

109
00:05:53,351 --> 00:05:55,953
But...If you haven't
ever believed

110
00:05:55,954 --> 00:05:57,288
Anything I've ever told you...

111
00:05:57,289 --> 00:05:58,723
And we haven't.

112
00:05:58,724 --> 00:06:00,758
...Believe this:

113
00:06:00,759 --> 00:06:03,094
We will win
this contest.

114
00:06:05,764 --> 00:06:08,833
We will win.
We will win big.

115
00:06:08,834 --> 00:06:10,968
We will win
in the bundy tradition:

116
00:06:10,969 --> 00:06:12,369
We will cheat
our heinies off.

117
00:06:15,674 --> 00:06:17,608
Now, can I get
a "whoa, bundy"?

118
00:06:17,609 --> 00:06:20,544
All:
Whoaaaa, bundy!

119
00:06:23,648 --> 00:06:26,718
[laughing]

120
00:06:34,359 --> 00:06:37,128
Look, marcie.
Best cart in the lot.

121
00:06:37,129 --> 00:06:38,495
The foodies cart stunk,

122
00:06:38,496 --> 00:06:41,799
But I got this baby from
a bag lady across the street.

123
00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:43,635
They always have
the best stuff.

124
00:06:43,636 --> 00:06:47,738
You excite me like
no man I've ever met.

125
00:06:47,739 --> 00:06:49,407
No mercy to the bundys.

126
00:06:49,408 --> 00:06:50,941
No mercy.

127
00:06:56,215 --> 00:06:58,817
Let's see 'em
top this, baby.

128
00:07:04,990 --> 00:07:06,256
[laughing]

129
00:07:13,398 --> 00:07:15,433
Excuse me.

130
00:07:17,069 --> 00:07:19,771
What is
this contraption?

131
00:07:19,772 --> 00:07:21,940
That's peg.
You know her.

132
00:07:22,942 --> 00:07:24,943
Not that,
pillsbury shoeboy.

133
00:07:24,944 --> 00:07:26,711
[grunts]

134
00:07:26,712 --> 00:07:30,381
This thing you're pushing,
this is not a regulation cart.

135
00:07:30,382 --> 00:07:33,250
<i>Au contraire,</i> buzz cut.

136
00:07:33,251 --> 00:07:35,219
I found it right outside.
Didn't I, family?

137
00:07:35,220 --> 00:07:36,987
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Oh, yeah, you did.

138
00:07:36,988 --> 00:07:38,957
Mr. Foodie,
a ruling, please.

139
00:07:38,958 --> 00:07:40,958
Hm?

140
00:07:40,959 --> 00:07:42,960
Oh, I don't know.

141
00:07:42,961 --> 00:07:44,395
No, it's one of yours.

142
00:07:44,396 --> 00:07:46,264
See? It says "we love foodies"
on the side.

143
00:07:46,265 --> 00:07:47,965
Oh, I like that!

144
00:07:47,966 --> 00:07:50,234
Here, let's-- let's get
a picture of that baby.

145
00:07:51,703 --> 00:07:55,038
But I'm not sure that
this cart is one of mine.

146
00:07:55,039 --> 00:07:57,040
Well-- hey...

147
00:07:57,041 --> 00:07:58,942
Doesn't wobble. Hm.

148
00:07:58,943 --> 00:08:02,546
Get these people
a regulation foodies cart.

149
00:08:09,488 --> 00:08:13,123
[bundys laughing]

150
00:08:15,194 --> 00:08:16,828
All right, contestants,
places, please.

151
00:08:16,829 --> 00:08:20,164
Dad, where'd you get
this cart?

152
00:08:20,165 --> 00:08:22,733
Made it myself in the garage
with parts of the lawn mower

153
00:08:22,734 --> 00:08:25,436
And the side of the house
and your mother's car.

154
00:08:25,437 --> 00:08:26,838
See, it's aerodynamic,

155
00:08:26,839 --> 00:08:28,773
Got your front and rear
sway bars,

156
00:08:28,774 --> 00:08:30,775
Rack-and-pinion steering,

157
00:08:30,776 --> 00:08:33,277
And genuine ginsu spike
attitude adjusters

158
00:08:33,278 --> 00:08:34,278
On the hood.

159
00:08:36,047 --> 00:08:40,117
It's also got some, uh,
antipersonnel device or two...

160
00:08:40,118 --> 00:08:41,853
Just for show.

161
00:08:41,854 --> 00:08:43,120
[click]

162
00:08:48,127 --> 00:08:49,627
Damn that hair trigger.

163
00:08:49,628 --> 00:08:52,597
There goes
my tiebreaker, peg.

164
00:08:52,598 --> 00:08:54,031
Well, what do you think?

165
00:08:54,032 --> 00:08:55,366
You can do all this,

166
00:08:55,367 --> 00:08:58,035
And yet you can't get
a better job than shoe salesman?

167
00:08:58,036 --> 00:08:59,937
I think
a little research will show

168
00:08:59,938 --> 00:09:02,039
That most of your great
implements of death

169
00:09:02,040 --> 00:09:05,276
Are the result of zombied-out
daydreams of shoe salesmen.

170
00:09:07,846 --> 00:09:10,048
Well, now it's time to announce
the celebrity host

171
00:09:10,049 --> 00:09:13,818
Of the foodies millionth
customer competition.

172
00:09:13,819 --> 00:09:16,353
Well, you loved him
as the beaver,

173
00:09:16,354 --> 00:09:21,025
And...Now, I guess, er,
as the new beaver.

174
00:09:21,026 --> 00:09:22,960
So let's give a nice,
warm foodies welcome

175
00:09:22,961 --> 00:09:24,361
To jerry mathers.

176
00:09:24,362 --> 00:09:26,663
[applause and cheering]

177
00:09:35,373 --> 00:09:36,941
Thank you very much.

178
00:09:36,942 --> 00:09:38,442
You're very kind.

179
00:09:38,443 --> 00:09:42,113
I, uh, think our agreement
called for cash in advance.

180
00:09:44,850 --> 00:09:46,350
Ladies and gentlemen,

181
00:09:46,351 --> 00:09:49,854
It's certainly a pleasure
to be here at foodies,

182
00:09:49,855 --> 00:09:55,860
The store with great food
and super low prices.

183
00:09:55,861 --> 00:09:57,061
Oh, merciful heavens,

184
00:09:57,062 --> 00:09:59,296
Won't somebody please
shoot me?

185
00:09:59,297 --> 00:10:00,631
Somebody, please,

186
00:10:00,632 --> 00:10:04,535
Just put a bullet
through the ol' beav's head.

187
00:10:04,536 --> 00:10:06,704
Oh, al, look at him.

188
00:10:06,705 --> 00:10:10,341
He's brought so much pleasure
to so many.

189
00:10:10,342 --> 00:10:13,277
Can't you give him a job
at the shoe store?

190
00:10:13,278 --> 00:10:14,945
Yeah, that's
all I need, peg:

191
00:10:14,946 --> 00:10:17,682
Work all day with the beaver
and come home to you.

192
00:10:22,554 --> 00:10:24,555
And, uh, now for the rules:

193
00:10:24,556 --> 00:10:27,692
Whoever gets $1000 worth
of food first

194
00:10:27,693 --> 00:10:29,226
Gets to keep it.

195
00:10:29,227 --> 00:10:32,563
Which, by the way, is more
than I'm getting for this gig.

196
00:10:32,564 --> 00:10:34,565
Can it be true?

197
00:10:34,566 --> 00:10:37,968
Can <i>match game pm</i>
<i>not use another celebrity?</i>

198
00:10:37,969 --> 00:10:43,574
Am I truly lower
than charles nelson reilly?

199
00:10:45,144 --> 00:10:47,644
Who is
this blubbering mess?

200
00:10:48,780 --> 00:10:50,948
I think he was opie.

201
00:10:52,650 --> 00:10:56,454
Opie was ron howard,
you little fool.

202
00:10:58,190 --> 00:11:00,157
I was--

203
00:11:00,158 --> 00:11:02,826
No, I <i>am</i> the beaver!

204
00:11:02,827 --> 00:11:04,295
[applause and cheering]

205
00:11:04,296 --> 00:11:07,031
Thank you, jerry mathers.
Everybody. Everybody.

206
00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:11,002
Spare me
your pity clap.

207
00:11:16,775 --> 00:11:18,742
Sign this, opie.

208
00:11:19,911 --> 00:11:21,579
It's jerry,
and it'll be two bucks.

209
00:11:23,582 --> 00:11:25,282
Well,
what I think, uh--

210
00:11:25,283 --> 00:11:27,184
I think mr. Mathers
means is, uh,

211
00:11:27,185 --> 00:11:29,387
Contestants,
wish each other good luck.

212
00:11:29,388 --> 00:11:30,221
Drop dead.

213
00:11:30,222 --> 00:11:31,388
Lick feet.
Eat dust.

214
00:11:31,389 --> 00:11:32,957
Grow hair.

215
00:11:34,126 --> 00:11:36,527
Foodie:
On your mark...

216
00:11:36,528 --> 00:11:37,761
Get set...

217
00:11:39,497 --> 00:11:41,131
...Go!

218
00:11:41,132 --> 00:11:42,900
Al:
Come on, peg. Come on, peg!

219
00:11:48,440 --> 00:11:51,675
Follow me, peg!
Follow me, baby!

220
00:11:51,676 --> 00:11:54,946
Come on, peg, follow me!
Just like we planned.

221
00:11:54,947 --> 00:11:57,481
Just like we practiced.
Here's one.

222
00:11:57,482 --> 00:11:59,650
Here's two. Here's three.

223
00:11:59,651 --> 00:12:03,053
Peg! Peg!
Where is that damn woman?

224
00:12:04,322 --> 00:12:06,123
Look, al. "do it to me red."

225
00:12:06,124 --> 00:12:08,659
They never have this
at my salon.

226
00:12:08,660 --> 00:12:11,395
Look, if you want me,
I'll be in beauty supplies.

227
00:12:12,831 --> 00:12:13,898
Hut!
Hut!

228
00:12:13,899 --> 00:12:14,965
Hut!
Hut!

229
00:12:14,966 --> 00:12:16,300
Hut!
Hut!

230
00:12:16,301 --> 00:12:17,501
Hut!
Hu--

231
00:12:17,502 --> 00:12:19,003
Too cheap, honey.
We don't need it.

232
00:12:19,004 --> 00:12:20,137
I know.

233
00:12:28,046 --> 00:12:29,180
[crash]

234
00:12:29,181 --> 00:12:32,015
Look, al. I found
this really expensive--

235
00:12:32,016 --> 00:12:34,085
Al?

236
00:12:34,086 --> 00:12:37,855
Al bundy, would you stop
fooling around?

237
00:12:37,856 --> 00:12:39,123
Come on.

238
00:12:39,124 --> 00:12:40,758
[both giggling]

239
00:12:41,627 --> 00:12:43,528
Al!

240
00:12:43,529 --> 00:12:47,398
Uh, listen, could you settle
a bet between me and my sister?

241
00:12:47,399 --> 00:12:49,600
Now, she says you frittered away
all your money

242
00:12:49,601 --> 00:12:52,836
On booze and cheap women.

243
00:12:52,837 --> 00:12:56,073
I say doughnuts
and cheap booze.

244
00:12:58,877 --> 00:13:02,313
Give me a quarter
or just go away.

245
00:13:14,359 --> 00:13:17,361
Get it in there.
Let's go. Let's go.

246
00:13:23,702 --> 00:13:25,403
[cackling]

247
00:13:32,410 --> 00:13:33,844
<i>Viva la</i> cart of death!

248
00:13:33,845 --> 00:13:35,546
[laughing]

249
00:13:37,783 --> 00:13:39,249
Mr. Beaver?

250
00:13:39,250 --> 00:13:42,486
Could you settle another bet
between me and my brother?

251
00:13:42,487 --> 00:13:45,522
He says that you're so low,
that for this nickel,

252
00:13:45,523 --> 00:13:47,324
That you would stand
on this chair

253
00:13:47,325 --> 00:13:49,426
And bellow
like a moose.

254
00:13:49,427 --> 00:13:51,428
Now, I say, if you could
bellow like a moose,

255
00:13:51,429 --> 00:13:53,330
Why would you be here?

256
00:13:55,266 --> 00:13:56,667
Beav.

257
00:13:56,668 --> 00:13:58,903
Oh, beav.

258
00:13:58,904 --> 00:14:00,704
Man [over p.A.]:
<i>Attention, contestants.</i>

259
00:14:00,705 --> 00:14:02,105
<i>Our first totals are in.</i>

260
00:14:02,106 --> 00:14:04,241
<i>The bundys, $210.</i>

261
00:14:04,242 --> 00:14:06,410
<i>The d'arcys, 270.</i>

262
00:14:06,411 --> 00:14:08,379
[d'arcys laughing]

263
00:14:08,380 --> 00:14:10,514
Eat
hot grocery death!

264
00:14:10,515 --> 00:14:12,015
[both laughing]

265
00:14:12,016 --> 00:14:14,551
Al! Honey!
We're losing!

266
00:14:14,552 --> 00:14:16,320
Now, you're a pro at that.
Do something!

267
00:14:16,321 --> 00:14:17,454
Stay calm, peg.

268
00:14:17,455 --> 00:14:19,089
We've been paying
too much attention

269
00:14:19,090 --> 00:14:20,357
To what they
have been doing.

270
00:14:20,358 --> 00:14:21,825
From now on,
we play with our heads

271
00:14:21,826 --> 00:14:23,193
Instead of our hearts.
Come on.

272
00:14:23,194 --> 00:14:24,194
Okay.

273
00:14:24,195 --> 00:14:25,296
Jefferson:
Hut!

274
00:14:25,297 --> 00:14:26,897
Hut!

275
00:14:26,898 --> 00:14:27,964
Come on, marcie.
Hut!

276
00:14:29,734 --> 00:14:31,001
Jefferson.
Huh?

277
00:14:37,675 --> 00:14:40,877
See, peg, if I was playing with
my heart instead of my head,

278
00:14:40,878 --> 00:14:42,646
I'd have waited
till marcie was loading.

279
00:14:42,647 --> 00:14:44,281
Oh, you're a good man, al.

280
00:14:44,282 --> 00:14:46,283
And a pretty darn
good friend too.

281
00:14:49,321 --> 00:14:51,789
Come on, peg!
Come on, peg!

282
00:14:52,924 --> 00:14:55,992
Last count:
The d'arcys, $720 worth.

283
00:14:55,993 --> 00:14:58,662
The bundys, $710.

284
00:15:01,399 --> 00:15:03,333
Look, here's 50 cents.

285
00:15:03,334 --> 00:15:04,401
It's all I have.

286
00:15:04,402 --> 00:15:06,570
Just please,
leave me alone.

287
00:15:08,440 --> 00:15:09,940
Just one last question,

288
00:15:09,941 --> 00:15:13,009
If all the autographs hounds
can stay back for a second...

289
00:15:16,081 --> 00:15:18,415
Did you ever think of teaming up
with the eddie munster kid

290
00:15:18,416 --> 00:15:20,384
For the thoroughly
pathetic tour '91?

291
00:15:21,887 --> 00:15:24,488
Look...

292
00:15:24,489 --> 00:15:26,724
Let's get this over with
once and for all.

293
00:15:26,725 --> 00:15:29,626
I may have to earn
a pathetic living

294
00:15:29,627 --> 00:15:31,662
By donning the cap
of the beaver

295
00:15:31,663 --> 00:15:33,397
And appearing
at supermarkets,

296
00:15:33,398 --> 00:15:38,669
But at least my father doesn't
sell women's shoes.

297
00:15:47,545 --> 00:15:49,913
Golly, that felt good.

298
00:16:31,122 --> 00:16:32,389
That's my douche!

299
00:16:32,390 --> 00:16:33,490
Oh, yeah?

300
00:16:35,493 --> 00:16:37,560
Yeah? Well, you touched
my girlie fizz.

301
00:16:37,561 --> 00:16:39,462
Come on, give me that.
It's mine and I want it.

302
00:16:39,463 --> 00:16:41,799
Damn it, al!
Now, we're both men.

303
00:16:41,800 --> 00:16:43,967
There's plenty of room
in feminine hygiene

304
00:16:43,968 --> 00:16:46,003
For the both of us.

305
00:16:46,004 --> 00:16:48,172
All right?
Let's shake on it.

306
00:16:49,608 --> 00:16:51,141
[screaming]

307
00:16:53,110 --> 00:16:55,312
I'm blind!

308
00:16:55,313 --> 00:16:57,514
And I smell
like summer rain!

309
00:16:59,283 --> 00:17:02,085
Peg! Peg, where are you?

310
00:17:02,086 --> 00:17:03,954
Right here, honey.

311
00:17:03,955 --> 00:17:07,291
Damn jefferson blinded me
with feminine goo.

312
00:17:07,292 --> 00:17:09,559
He ought to take some home
and spray it in his own eyes

313
00:17:09,560 --> 00:17:10,961
Before he gets in bed
with that--

314
00:17:10,962 --> 00:17:12,562
Ow!

315
00:17:12,563 --> 00:17:13,663
Ow!

316
00:17:15,133 --> 00:17:18,068
Al, al, honey, come on,
stop dilly-dallying.

317
00:17:18,069 --> 00:17:19,270
We're behind!

318
00:17:19,271 --> 00:17:20,537
Come on.

319
00:17:20,538 --> 00:17:22,139
Let's go.

320
00:17:23,208 --> 00:17:24,341
Jefferson, bonanza!

321
00:17:24,342 --> 00:17:25,742
Imported water!

322
00:17:26,578 --> 00:17:28,579
Oh, my god, my contact.

323
00:17:28,580 --> 00:17:30,214
I've lost my contact.

324
00:17:34,219 --> 00:17:36,053
You know, the problem
with you, al,

325
00:17:36,054 --> 00:17:38,655
Is you're playing too much
with jefferson and marcie

326
00:17:38,656 --> 00:17:40,591
To pay attention
to what you're doing.

327
00:17:42,094 --> 00:17:45,096
I guess I'll just have to pay
attention for the both of us.

328
00:17:48,566 --> 00:17:52,002
Jefferson, I've fallen,
and I can't get up.

329
00:17:55,006 --> 00:17:56,907
Marcie? Marcie?

330
00:17:56,908 --> 00:17:58,275
Where are you?

331
00:18:06,952 --> 00:18:08,352
There you are.

332
00:18:08,353 --> 00:18:11,355
Look, marcie.
Shallots from Italy.

333
00:18:11,356 --> 00:18:13,757
You know how much
these babies are worth?

334
00:18:13,758 --> 00:18:15,292
I don't know, honey.

335
00:18:15,293 --> 00:18:18,362
You think now you could
dash over to the first-aid aisle

336
00:18:18,363 --> 00:18:20,864
And see if you can find me
an artery clip?

337
00:18:20,865 --> 00:18:22,599
Okey-dokey.

338
00:18:26,171 --> 00:18:27,838
Ah, me.

339
00:18:32,376 --> 00:18:33,811
[clears throat]

340
00:18:34,980 --> 00:18:36,213
That's me.

341
00:18:36,214 --> 00:18:38,281
I was the beaver.

342
00:18:38,282 --> 00:18:39,617
Who?

343
00:19:05,977 --> 00:19:08,112
Our two families are running
neck and neck.

344
00:19:08,113 --> 00:19:10,880
The, uh, the d'arcys, $990.

345
00:19:10,881 --> 00:19:13,751
The bundys, $979.

346
00:19:13,752 --> 00:19:16,586
Ladies and gentlemen,
it's a horse race.

347
00:19:26,664 --> 00:19:29,666
They've incapacitated
the cart of death, peg!

348
00:19:29,667 --> 00:19:32,803
Oh, no.
Al, we're gonna lose!

349
00:19:32,804 --> 00:19:34,604
Not this time, babe.

350
00:19:45,350 --> 00:19:48,051
Stee-rike!

351
00:19:57,795 --> 00:19:59,930
[growling]

352
00:20:02,167 --> 00:20:03,733
[growling]

353
00:20:08,006 --> 00:20:09,072
[yelps]

354
00:20:16,748 --> 00:20:19,015
One thousand dollars!
The bundys win!

355
00:20:21,318 --> 00:20:23,153
We won! We won!

356
00:20:23,154 --> 00:20:25,355
Peg! Peg, where are you?

357
00:20:25,356 --> 00:20:26,790
Where are you, peg?

358
00:20:26,791 --> 00:20:27,958
Peg:
I'm comin', al.

359
00:20:27,959 --> 00:20:29,058
I'm comin'.

360
00:20:29,059 --> 00:20:31,195
Gangway!

361
00:20:31,196 --> 00:20:32,896
[laughing]

362
00:20:32,897 --> 00:20:34,531
No, peg, no! It's over!

363
00:20:34,532 --> 00:20:36,032
Well, I married her.

364
00:20:42,540 --> 00:20:45,576
Man [over radio]:
<i>Well, throw another city</i>
<i>on the barbie, eh, god?</i>

365
00:20:45,577 --> 00:20:48,712
<i>It's 112, so please remember</i>
<i>to crack the window</i>

366
00:20:48,713 --> 00:20:50,947
<i>When you leave grandma</i>
<i>in the car.</i>

367
00:20:52,150 --> 00:20:53,683
Oh, this is the life,
isn't it?

368
00:20:53,684 --> 00:20:54,751
Mm-hmm.

369
00:20:54,752 --> 00:20:56,886
Food <i>and</i>
an air conditioner.

370
00:20:56,887 --> 00:20:59,590
Well, your father finally
came through for us.

371
00:20:59,591 --> 00:21:02,126
So when's daddy gonna be
able to enjoy all this?

372
00:21:02,127 --> 00:21:03,360
Well, I don't know.

373
00:21:03,361 --> 00:21:04,894
The doctor says that cool air

374
00:21:04,895 --> 00:21:07,531
Isn't really good
for an exposed liver.

375
00:21:07,532 --> 00:21:10,034
But don't worry,
daddy's happy in his pool.

376
00:21:10,035 --> 00:21:13,203
And I just brought him
a nice cool drink.

377
00:21:33,958 --> 00:21:36,359
[♪]